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New Beginnings

Look inside to find the answer.  You hear this all the time.  But, your inside can at times be very noisy, it can be difficult to hear what your heart is trying to tell you.  Your mind can interfere with what your heart and soul speak.  To look inside and connect with yourself, with the source of creation to find answers is not an easy enterprise, but one very worth your time. Taking pause to reflect is important, to be thankful and to connect with creation. My question du jour is how to use my creativity, talents and abilities to help others and bring success into my life. So I have begun to meditate again.  Something I have not done in a very long time.

new beginningThis morning I sat very still and very quietly outside and thanked the source of all creation for everything I have and everything I am; for protecting those who came before me so that I could have this “now”, this moment to connect, thank, be, question and reflect. I expressed gratitude for all the love I now have in my life and for the inner strength and knowledge I have gained.  I sat quietly for twenty minutes and listened to the nature around me; the birds waking up, the wind rustling through the branches and the leaves. I asked to continue to be given strength to find my path and stay steadfast upon it. I asked to be given the strength to forgive. I asked to be forgiven.

So after reflection, and now doing this same exercise with some frequency over the past month or so I believe I need to write.  I need to do it to help others, but in this digital age so few people take the time to read anymore.  Maybe I need to write in order to read aloud.  This may sound crazy, but my past experiences with this have all been positive. Many of my close friends and loved ones who do not particularly enjoy reading or cant for one reason or another have asked that I read aloud to them. I could be reading a novel, a child’s book or even something I have personally wrote – it seems to be a connecting experience, sharing a piece of work simultaneously.  You can laugh together, cry together, have an adventure, travel the world together – fiction, non-fiction, poetry – its limitless.  So maybe a pod-cast?  I don’t know yet, I still need to meditate further to figure out the correct path.

blank pageEven through all my recent turmoil,  pain and upheaval I have been truly blessed and need to remember to remain in a constant state of gratitude for this. Not every one is loved, not everyone gets another chance.  My journey has just begun.  Once again I am staring at a blank page – a new beginning, frightening but exciting.  But, this beginning is different.  It has emanated from a place of strength, resilience, growth, forgiveness, self-acceptance, perseverance and joy.

I couldn’t ask for a better, fresher, healthier start. I am going to blossom.  I can feel it.

Healing, Learning and Growing
Make Note of the Lovely Title of the Music Instruction Book I’ve Been Given – Musicianship for the “Older” Beginner!

You know how people tell you there are just certain things that are so much harder to take up later in life? Well I know they are correct, but whenever I am told that something is not likely to happen, I do my damnedest to make it happen; if it’s the right thing, not going to hurt anyone, and something I really want. A few of the things harder to do later in life include learning a new language, and learning to play an instrument. Well I am starting with the latter thanks to a close personal friend. It has always been my dream to play piano (or in the very least marry someone who did so I could have a vocal accompanist- LOL). So a few weeks ago I started taking lessons. Reading music comes back pretty quickly (although I HATE the bass clef with a passion) and I have always had a good ear, so playing simple notes, and even chords with my right hand comes naturally to me. The left hand is where everything begins to break down. My brain does not want to read both lines of music simultaneously, while my left hand does something entirely different than my right hand. Coordination of any sort has never been my strong suit. But I am determined. Again it’s all about perseverance. I know I can do it, and I know I will do it. I may never give a Van Cliburn Concert, but if I can play things that I enjoy singing, it will fulfill a life long dream. Until this darn foot surgery I had been practicing everyday for at least an hour. This surgery has put my “recital” schedule behind a bit, but I won’t give up. As I said in prior posts I am basically an agnostic, spiritual, humanist; who can now play “Ode to Joy” with her right hand.

yiddish theatreNow when it comes to another language, I’d love to embark on that journey as well. I actually have my foot in three others (no pun intended): French, Hebrew and Yiddish, so maybe someday… I will find fluency in one other. Yiddish, a dying language with a rich history in theatre would probably be my first choice as it is unlike any other, and so very expressive.

I know, I know... yuck... but they look better than I thought they would and they are healing well!
I know, I know… yuck… but they look better than I thought they would and they are healing well!

Since the surgery I have not gotten on the scale, I am a bit scared to do that. I also know that it will be awhile before I can return to the gym and actually do much until my feet are completely healed. Whatever chocolate was in the house is no longer… and I wish I could say it was because I threw it out, but I’d be lying. That being said however, I refuse to bring anymore in. Once I get the courage to get back on that scale, I will share how much I have to lose again – lets just hope its not too much to be too discouraging of a journey to embark on. I have faith regardless of what it is, I will do it because as they say “feeling slim feels better than anything can taste” and I know that first hand. Healing is a process, I need to let it take its course so that I can be a better me (and that pertains to all wounds).

So here I sit, feet up – writing. Kind of nice really because who knows if I’d be writing if I were up and about. I love writing – another thing I forgot along the way!


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