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Music & My Soul

broadway showsI’ve been thinking a lot about music recently and how it has completely shaped who I am as a person. I can’t remember when, but I was roughly nine years old when I saw my first Broadway musical. It changed my entire life. It was as if from that very moment I understood joy – which up until that point I had so little of. It was the purest form of joy I had ever experienced. I always thought some day my creative expression would come a live on one of The Great White Way. There is still that glimmer of hope, a glowing ember. It literally ignites and explodes inside me whenever I see a live performance.

Over the years I have seen and performed in too many shows to count.  Of course none of my performances have been professional, but they have all been incredibly rewarding, uplifting, enlightening and full of learning and growth.

Music in general has become such an integral part of who I am. I have a scary uncanny ability to remember lyrics to almost any song I have heard more than once. The words just stick. More than enjoying listening to music, I love to sing. I was a vocal major at the High School of Music and the Performing Arts in Manhattan before Marc Gafni’s abuse temporarily destroyed my life.

I sing all the time because it brings me that same pure joy from childhood. I sing in the shower, in the car, on my walks, around the house… It brings me comfort which is good for the soul.

20160227_075224Yesterday morning on my walk I was listening to a play list of love songs. I was singing along (as I usually do) to each when it hit me. Ninety percent of what is being said in these lyrics one could apply to the universe and our relationship with it.  I have a weird eclectic taste in music, but here are some examples with snippets from parts of each song:

  • All Of Me (John Legend)

Cause all of me – Loves all of you – Love your curves and all your edges – All your perfect imperfections – Give your all to me – I’ll give my all to you – You’re my end and my beginning – Even when I lose I’m winning – ‘Cause I give you all of me – And you give me all of you

  • Can You Feel The Love Tonight (Phil Collins)

Can you feel the love tonight – The peace the evening brings -The world for once in perfect harmony – With all its living things – There’s a time for everyone if they only learn – That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn – There’s a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors -When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours

  • For Good (From the Broadway Show Wicked)

I’m limited. Just look at me. I’m limited. And just look at you. You can do all I couldn’t do. Glinda… So now it’s up to you, For both of us. Now it’s up to you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit – As it passes a sun, Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood. Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better – But because I knew you. I have been changed for good.

  • Heaven Is A Place On Earth (Belinda Carlisle)

When I feel alone, I reach for you – And you bring me home – When I’m lost at sea I hear your voice – And it carries me

In this world we’re just beginning -To understand the miracle of living – Baby, I was afraid before – But I’m not afraid anymore

Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth? Ooh, heaven is a place on earth. They say in heaven love comes first – We’ll make heaven a place on earth

  • Smile (Uncle Kracker)

You’re better than the best – I’m lucky just to linger in your light -Cooler than the flip-side of my pillow (that’s right) – Completely unaware -Nothing can compare to where you send me – It lets me know that it’s okay (yeah, it’s okay) – And the moments when my good times start to fade – You make me smile…

Once again it brought on this overwhelming sense of gratitude. You can love so much – the universe and its supreme power, your partner in life, your parents, your children, your friends, what you do with your time, and most importantly yourself, and what you give back to that which you love.musicNone of these songs are spiritual to say the least, but segments of their lyrics can apply to your relationship with the universe and it’s view of you; to you relationship with other human beings and even that with yourself. Be grateful for all these relationships.  I think we must be grateful for the gift of music, it certainly can help us stay motivated to keep moving, and it can bring us closer to all that we hold dear, lyrics or not.

The Power To Make Things Happen

the universeWell the universe and I are certainly working in consortium recently.  I try very hard to listen to what is being asked of me, and why I am here. I sit quietly with my thoughts because I have been granted a lot of time to do that. The process has been somewhat rejuvenating and awakening. Really listening is a challenge. I believe the gratitude is what brings about the positive forces along with positive directional thinking and mental imagery.  Believing in what you need and want, seeing it in your mind’s eye will bring about just that. It may not come at the particular time, or in the particular manner you would like or would’ve chosen if been given the choice, but it does come.

Since very early childhood I asked to be reunited with my birth mother and although I put much personal effort into that search the universe brought us together seventeen and a half years ago when I was 28 years old. Many people search for years and even if they are successful they are very painfully turned away.  I was one of the lucky ones. The universe helped me find my mother in a total of 28 weeks with a lot of help from others all of whom were brought into my life in the strangest of ways only to be explained by the powers that be wanting things to fall into place the way they did.  The number 28 as I have mentioned before is very significant in my life. There were many more instances of this number during my search and at other times as well.  I find it very interesting because the number 28 in Hebrew corresponds to the letters Chaf Chet כח. These two letters when placed together spell the word koach which translates into English as strength. inner strengthI find this both amazing and truly miraculous. It has taken much strength to get to the place I am right now and I know it will continue to require strength to keep going forward.  This is one of the things I ask the universe for daily after expressing gratitude, is to continue to give me strength.

Recently I have asked for a fresh start, for my house to sell quickly so that I could embark on a new path.  Just yesterday I signed the contract on my home and we will be closing quickly. For 30 years I asked the universe to please stop the abusive behavior of Mordechai Winiarz aka Marc Gafni, so that he could no longer hurt anyone else.  And now, only months ago thousands of people signed a petition on supporting the truth about this sexual predator and his direct ties with John Mackey of Whole Foods.

Like I said, things don’t always come when you ask them to.  I pled as a child for my mother; and it took 28 years.  I implored the universe to protect others against a sexual predator who abused me; and it took 30 years, but positive thought and action will come to fruition if you keep the proper mindset.

Asking for a fresh start and being granted one is another proof positive in the universal connection to your hearts’ desire, and seeing it in your mind’s eye. I can picture myself granted with success, writing, creating, being in love, being loved, friends, family and giving back to the world in a positive way. Some of these have happened, or are happening or will happen at some undesignated point in time. But I can see it and feel it all.

Living in the moment and being thankful for just that moment makes the process easier. When I am writing I am so thankful that I am being given the time, space and mind set to be doing do. When I am talking to my children I am thankful that they are around to listen.  When I am meditating I am thankful for the time I have, the gifts I’ve been given and the nature around me.  meditatingWhen I am exercising I am thankful for all the strength I was given to persevere, and get to a place where my body is healthy and able to exercise and participate in active undertakings. When I am working around the house I am thankful for the roof over my head and what it took to get this roof all on my own almost 8 years ago.

You may not even know what it is you are seeking, silence and alone time may help you figure that out.  Once you do, YOU have the power to convene with the universe to make it happen; through gratitude, through belief in the universal power that exists, through positive thinking, mental imagery, then strength and action.

With Gratitude and Overwhelming Emotion

Countless acknowledgements are in order, and although many of them are to be extended to my close friends and family, the majority of them seem need to be directed to those I have yet to meet. It took 30 years of repeatedly trying to be heard, never wavering, or changing my story, to finally reach people who listen and believe. The following particular Facebook post brought tears of vindication to my eyes.

shai's thankyou
An AMAZING Sentiment from Someone I Have Yet to Meet

I want the world to hear my THANK YOU, my THANK YOU for finally listening. So here is my public THANK YOU – a follow up to my thank you on Facebook. After everything I have been through the value of all the supportive “comments” on this blog, and the incredible explosion of readership since the release of the New York Times article has just blown me away.  As of this moment there have been close to 6,500 views on the blog.  This may seem inconsequential to some who have thousands of friends and followers on their Facebook pages alone, but to me the value cannot be measured. The comments and the readership mean more than anyone will ever understand. I could be crass, – say “too little too late”, or “long time coming”, but no, I understand that EVERYTHING happens when it does because the universe has a reason for things to transpire the way they do. From the bottom of my heart, soul and spirit I am truly humbled by all the support and immensely thankful to each and every one of you. (I know much of this is redundant from Facebook, but I wanted to be sure to reach all who deserved a thank you.)

Thank you note with smiley face , isolated on white

Getting my hopes up is not something I am willing to do after years of frustration, silencing and disappointment, BUT I feel like the universe is starting to line up, and karma is starting to catch up.  And, when that does…beautiful, holy things can happen.

Maybe Mordechai Winiarz or Marc Gafni or whomever he is right now will no longer hurt others – maybe the universe will see to it.

If some influential powerful person(s) is out there is reading this blog, please make sure my story reaches the right people.  The right people could be the media (press, television), politicians, high powered CEOs (Mackey comes to mind), etc.  There are already such people working in the background Elizabeth Sorvillo who has helped beyond measure, but continuing to get my blog out there can only be positive.  Here are links to the relevant posts:       Not Just a Man with a “Troubled Past”… A SEXUAL PREDATOR        The Cycle of Insanity a Brief Follow Up       Don’t Silence a Cry for Help      Reopening the Wound       Returning to Me & the Beginning of the End       The Time For Change is Now       Achieving “Closure”       Some Time to Process and Respond


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