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New York

Past, Present and Future

Pull it all together and move forward!

New York was amazing. It’s my home, my city, where I feel alive and where I belong. When I am there I never want to leave, and maybe someday that dream will be a reality. All the things we did exceeded expectations. For me of course it was the performance of The Color Purple that once again changed my life. I don’t think I stopped crying from start to finish. Alternating between happy and sad tears; relating to the play, the performances, the music, missing regular opportunities to see this quality of production, and my own personal aching for being on the stage. Emotions are crazy things. This show was unbelievable on every level. I didn’t want it to end. If you have the opportunity to see this performance, go. It will change your life.

Catching up with old friends on this trip was wonderful. It’s so amazing to hear peoples’ stories when you haven’t connected in 25-30 years. It’s also good to know that the good memories you share are still there for the both of you. If New York is ever home again there will still be friends to connect with and that feels great.

We did MACY’s, THE tree, Coney Island (fiancée had never been), the holiday windows, Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, the Star Wars Costume Discovery Exhibit and more. Here are some pics from our trip that came and went too fast.

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When I took my fiancée to Coney Island we road the train along the same line I road when I lived at the home of Mordechai Winiarz/Marc Gafni. I was clammy and very uncomfortable as we pulled into the stop where I would get on and off the train in Brooklyn. It is amazing that 30 years later I can still feel the fear. I am not that kid anymore, I am older, stronger, and have a wonderful support network. Again, emotions are crazy things. I met one of his other victims on our trip. This is the first time we met face to face. We had spoken on the phone, and emailed but seeing one another was a bit surreal. Sharing mutual pain with someone is not the same as sharing joy, or gratitude, or some random experience. It’s very bonding. Even before I met her I felt very protective, almost a motherly instinct, although I am younger by just a few years. I know what it is like to be hurt by this man, as does she. Having this in common with someone is not pleasant, if you are a good person you don’t want others to hurt or be hurt especially when you know the level of pain involved. I may be naive, but I still believe in a time when he will no longer hurt anyone else.

Now its on to Christmas preparations, wedding preparations, and preparations for our yearly crazy community Seder. I need to throw myself into the preparation phase for all of these happy occasions, and block out the newly erupting interest in my victimization that seems to be cropping up more and more each day.

My toes hurt a bit after all the walking, but I am also very thankful that I had the opportunity to walk after all the eating we did. We had one day of rain, and the day we left was freezing cold, but we had amazing weather for December in New York. After all that walking I know I am ready to get back to exercising, still slowly, but definitely ready.

My past, present and future all came together on this trip. Visualizing what you want, and thinking about all the positive outcomes, helps create your reality. So as I move forward I see myself happy, with my wife by my side, bustling about the streets of Manhattan, being involved in creative endeavors, having good friends, loving and being loved, being authentic; and life being exactly as it is meant to be – absolutely wonderful.

New York City Here We Come

First I would like to extend a big thank you to all of you who read my blog regularly, and even those who have only visited once. I hope I have helped some of you stay motivated with your weight-loss, find courage to embark on a journey and/or speak your truth. In just under two months this blog has had over two thousand views from almost every country in the world!

We leave for New York City at the crack of dawn tomorrow, and I can’t tell you how much we are looking forward to some time alone. We can’t wait to see all the Christmas windows (particularly MACY’s), the lights, the Rockefeller tree and of course the return of The Color Purple to Broadway. I can’t wait to see some friends I haven’t seen in decades and meet some new friends I have recently made as well.

I am hoping all the walking in the city will help burn some of the pounds gained while off my feet. A lot will depend on how much my toes can take, but they get better every day. The weather in NY is not supposed to be much cooler than the weather here in Texas. This we are very thankful for as our last winter trip had us trotting through a foot plus of snow.

wedding dress lazaro lz3114It’s a lot harder in NYC to eat right since gluten free options abound there.  But, I am determined since we are getting married this spring to fit into something similar to the dress to the right. When I was losing weight I kept this photo on the fridge for motivation, hoping someday when we were ready to get married that I’d be ready for this dress.

Now I’m going to keep this photo on the fridge to have a constant reminder of where I came from and where I am now 135+ lbs lighter.  This photo terrifies me.  I never thought I was THAT big, and I don’t even recall being that big anymore (from a 3X to a 6). I don’t ever want to forget, its when you forget that history repeats itself.the worst picture ever

I am more convinced than ever that sugar and artificial sweeteners are the biggest culprit. Since the holidays my sugar craving (which had all but disappeared) is back with vengeance. That being said I intend to return to a very low sugar, low carb, high protein diet as well as get back to exercising again now that the orthopedic surgeon has cleared me to start slow. I don’t have much to lose this time, but I intend to return to my pre-surgery weight and stay there.

I’ll track my progress here and keep everyone up to date with what I am eating and how much I am moving daily in case you  want to join me and begin your own journey!

A Chanukah Success Story

Our Chanukah dinner was a big success.  A bunch of mostly adults acting like children, drinking wine, and having a great time. A few people learned a bit, lit menorahs, and I think with the help of my piano teacher sang a fun celebratory Hebrew song. The menu was a hit with homemade gluten free schnitzel, apple sauce noodle kugel, carrot tzimmis and potato latkes.  For desert we had homemade gluten free rugaluch, macaroons, chocolate cake and jelly donuts. We played dreidel (some guests had SERIOUS beginners luck!) and visited with our friends who learned that they were neighbors… living literally down the street from one another!

dinner menorahsWhen we all lit the menorahs the dining room looked so pretty, but man did it get hot!

Cooking all day did take a toll on my toes, but it was worth it. My tooth has basically stop hurting which I am so thankful for. During all of this I am trying to plan a wedding and our yearly crazy huge community style Passover seder.

I’ve stopped thinking about when the NY Times will publish the article. I need to live my life as though it isn’t of any consequence at all. Because ultimately I have had almost 30 years of indifference, disbelief and disgust to deal with so nothing has ultimately changed.

NormalAppImage(3)Our trip to New York is around the corner and I can’t wait.  My fiancee will get to see the Rockefeller tree for the first time and all the Christmas windows and lights.  Most importantly MACY’s who has devoted this years’ windows to Peanuts’ 50th Anniversary, and she is a Snoopy fanatic. (Check out this link for some great pics of the windows: For me, tickets to The Color Purple with Jennifer Hudson – one of my most favorite Broadway shows (we are both going of course).  And… getting to eat at SMAC – where I can have custom made gluten free macaroni and cheese!  When you can no longer enjoy real NY Pizza, this is a huge deal.

When we get home I then start preparing for our Christmas party, LOL… you know although its hectic and crazy I love the holidays, and celebrating all sorts of things with family and friends. If you are reading this I hope you have somebody to celebrate something with; regardless of who it is or what you are celebrating, we must realize how lucky we are to have this opportunity. So many on this planet do not.

I still have not gotten back to the gym and the clothing is starting to feel tighter.  I am so busy and I cant seem to find the motivation like I did in the past to get up at the crack of dawn to work on my body.  I KNOW it needs to happen, and I use the excuse of my toes, or my exhaustion, or my teeth.  I need to quit with the excuses and get back on the bandwagon with each passing day it gets more difficult.

Ny in txI know I will be moving a lot in NY so that has me hopeful. There is this huge part of me that hopes we get stuck there, LOL.  I cant afford to get stuck there, but man would it be nice. It’s still my home and I miss it everyday.


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