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OK I am BACK!!! One Foot In Front of the Other!

It has been a full year since I lost all  my weight and I am now an ENTIRELY different person. Stronger physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.  By making decisions from the heart I have benefited in the long run.  I may have struggled and not seen the benefit upfront, but upon reflection I can see where following my heart brought both goodness and peace into my life.

286 lbs of self hatred.
286 lbs of self hatred.
146 lbs of self love.
146 lbs of self love.

I am back to exercising three to four times a week. Mostly just cardio, but my move (hauling boxes, etc.) seriously increased my upper body muscle tone.  It takes effort when you are alone to get out of the house, to walk or sometimes to just move.  But those four aspects of your life change positively when you push yourself to do so. The physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual being grows and strengthens.

The endorphins released, the pride you can take, the peace you can find, the thoughts you can process all seem to emerge and come into focus when you push yourself to move in one way or another. Take a walk, a stroll even, walk the dog, ride a bike, do some gardening, sweep the porch -the easy stuff that doesn’t feel  like exercising is the stuff that you need to incorporate into your everyday life.

Each and everyday is a struggle when you are learning to live on your own for the first time. It is a very personal journey filled with tears of sadness and joy as you find yourself again. Learning who you really are and accepting and loving that person is not always easy.  BUT it IS obtainable.  It is a reachable goal when you do not set a time limit.  Commend yourself for every moment spent content and at peace.  Do not beat yourself up for the moments you find yourself sad and lonely – that is to be expected and is going to happen.  Let it happen the emotions will pass. You can choose joy when you wake up each morning.  Start your day in a place of happiness – find something when you wake up that brings you peace.

Choose to be optimistic, chose to be positive, choose to smile, choose to forgive, choose to be kind. When you consciously make these positive choices again, like physically moving, you grow physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually whether  you realize it or not.  The parts of who you are begin to sync.  By working on all four parts either individually or simultaneously will show you positive growth and strength in all aspects because intrinsically they overlap.

Some days will be good and others not so good.  When you start seeing the good outweigh the bad actualization begins.  “Wow! I did it – I can make it through the bad days.  I can use healthy coping mechanisms.  I can choose a happy, healthy lifestyle!” When these realizations are made, accepting and loving who you are as a human being starts to become easier.

Everyday I put one foot in front of the other – literally and figuratively.  As long as I am committed to this I know I will continue to grow stronger in every aspect of my life and find my path to understanding and fulfillment.

New Beginnings

Look inside to find the answer.  You hear this all the time.  But, your inside can at times be very noisy, it can be difficult to hear what your heart is trying to tell you.  Your mind can interfere with what your heart and soul speak.  To look inside and connect with yourself, with the source of creation to find answers is not an easy enterprise, but one very worth your time. Taking pause to reflect is important, to be thankful and to connect with creation. My question du jour is how to use my creativity, talents and abilities to help others and bring success into my life. So I have begun to meditate again.  Something I have not done in a very long time.

new beginningThis morning I sat very still and very quietly outside and thanked the source of all creation for everything I have and everything I am; for protecting those who came before me so that I could have this “now”, this moment to connect, thank, be, question and reflect. I expressed gratitude for all the love I now have in my life and for the inner strength and knowledge I have gained.  I sat quietly for twenty minutes and listened to the nature around me; the birds waking up, the wind rustling through the branches and the leaves. I asked to continue to be given strength to find my path and stay steadfast upon it. I asked to be given the strength to forgive. I asked to be forgiven.

So after reflection, and now doing this same exercise with some frequency over the past month or so I believe I need to write.  I need to do it to help others, but in this digital age so few people take the time to read anymore.  Maybe I need to write in order to read aloud.  This may sound crazy, but my past experiences with this have all been positive. Many of my close friends and loved ones who do not particularly enjoy reading or cant for one reason or another have asked that I read aloud to them. I could be reading a novel, a child’s book or even something I have personally wrote – it seems to be a connecting experience, sharing a piece of work simultaneously.  You can laugh together, cry together, have an adventure, travel the world together – fiction, non-fiction, poetry – its limitless.  So maybe a pod-cast?  I don’t know yet, I still need to meditate further to figure out the correct path.

blank pageEven through all my recent turmoil,  pain and upheaval I have been truly blessed and need to remember to remain in a constant state of gratitude for this. Not every one is loved, not everyone gets another chance.  My journey has just begun.  Once again I am staring at a blank page – a new beginning, frightening but exciting.  But, this beginning is different.  It has emanated from a place of strength, resilience, growth, forgiveness, self-acceptance, perseverance and joy.

I couldn’t ask for a better, fresher, healthier start. I am going to blossom.  I can feel it.

On Being Happy

The more interactions you have with other human beings the more you learn how important it is to surround yourself with individuals who bring you joy, lift you up, support your dreams and see you for who you really are. Most people learn this the hard way. Never feel guilty about removing the toxic people from your life. These toxic people not only make your life unbearable, but they will sabotage any effort you make towards being happy and improving yourself. By ridding your life of toxic relationships you are protecting your spirit. Once you have found who you really are, are comfortable in your own skin, can nurture your dreams and the dreams of those you love, protect that at all costs. Ferociously guard it. Coming to this place spiritually, intellectually and emotionally can take years of self-reflection. Don’t waste your efforts on toxic people – life is too short.

toxic people

Your past is just that, the past. And although there may have been many painful experiences in your life, it is those experiences that have led you to where you are today, and have helped you grow as a person. You have learned from both the negative and the positive. Use what you have learned and try not to repeat prior mistakes. This is not an easy task. We tend to gravitate towards the same type of people again and again in order to resolve something possibly entirely subconscious. These relationships can be wonderful, or they can be toxic. They can bring about enlightenment, or continued suffering. They can appear as relationships with friends, family, significant others, co-workers, employers…anywhere. Assess your relationships carefully. Are they toxic or are they a positive influence in your journey? Do not waste your energy giving your best self to those who do not give their best selves in return. Your spirit cannot afford to maintain toxic relationships if it is going to grow, flourish, and be a positive energy in the world.

Surround yourself with support and love – learn to both give and receive support and love. Help others, and be a light in all the relationships you have chosen to cultivate. All these things can help you achieve whatever goals you may set for yourself – weight loss, a career change, realizing a dream, raising a family, exploring your spirituality…happyholidays

As I will be busy with a variety of holiday and wedding preparations, I may not post till after the weekend. For everyone who celebrates Christmas, I hope you have a wonderful holiday surrounded by positive people who bring you joy.

Confidence & Support – A Symbiotic Relationship

Confidence is something that does not come easily for many people.   The more and more I return to myself physically and emotionally – the more confidence I find. I know what I am capable of, and what I have difficulty with. I also know now more than ever that I can accomplish anything I am passionate about and set my mind to. That discovery in and of itself is liberating, empowering and can enable you to break free from people who tell you otherwise. Being around those who support your dreams, share your passions, cheer you on, and encourage your growth is by far one of the most important things you can do for yourself on ANY journey upon which you embark.

With a support system in place you can keep moving forward even when you encounter temporary setbacks. Surround yourself with positive people who bring you joy, who love you for who you are, who will cheer you on every step of the way and even if they don’t share your passion, they understand the importance of living your dream and following your heart.

I know this is sometimes easier said than done; I’ve been there, believe me. It has to be a very conscious decision to not allow negativity to invade your personal boundaries. Shut out the gossip; tune out the “you’ll nevers”, the “you’ve failed befores”, the “odds are against yous” and any other negative talk you may hear. Keep reminding yourself that you CAN, you WILL, you are CAPABLE and you have PASSION. When the turkeys get you down, surround yourself with chickens (or even better…puppies…unconditional love)!

puppiesToday I gathered my confidence and I went to peddle my theatrical services to a local synagogue, and was met with much enthusiasm. I am thrilled and excited at the thought of being able to do what I love, and maybe get a bit of compensation. I know such a program is not in their budget, but it is exactly what this declining congregation needs. I found much of this confidence after accomplishing my weight loss goals. Each goal achieved cultivates your confidence and allows you to challenge yourself in ways you never thought you would. I hope to work with children and adults alike to produce a musical, which will bring their community together in new ways, grow their membership and raise money as well.

None of this would be possible without consciously making the changes to my environment necessary to be happy and stay positive. Take a step towards improving your immediate surroundings and you will see just how much better life can be.


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