Past, Present and Future

Pull it all together and move forward!

New York was amazing. It’s my home, my city, where I feel alive and where I belong. When I am there I never want to leave, and maybe someday that dream will be a reality. All the things we did exceeded expectations. For me of course it was the performance of The Color Purple that once again changed my life. I don’t think I stopped crying from start to finish. Alternating between happy and sad tears; relating to the play, the performances, the music, missing regular opportunities to see this quality of production, and my own personal aching for being on the stage. Emotions are crazy things. This show was unbelievable on every level. I didn’t want it to end. If you have the opportunity to see this performance, go. It will change your life.

Catching up with old friends on this trip was wonderful. It’s so amazing to hear peoples’ stories when you haven’t connected in 25-30 years. It’s also good to know that the good memories you share are still there for the both of you. If New York is ever home again there will still be friends to connect with and that feels great.

We did MACY’s, THE tree, Coney Island (fiancée had never been), the holiday windows, Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, the Star Wars Costume Discovery Exhibit and more. Here are some pics from our trip that came and went too fast.

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When I took my fiancée to Coney Island we road the train along the same line I road when I lived at the home of Mordechai Winiarz/Marc Gafni. I was clammy and very uncomfortable as we pulled into the stop where I would get on and off the train in Brooklyn. It is amazing that 30 years later I can still feel the fear. I am not that kid anymore, I am older, stronger, and have a wonderful support network. Again, emotions are crazy things. I met one of his other victims on our trip. This is the first time we met face to face. We had spoken on the phone, and emailed but seeing one another was a bit surreal. Sharing mutual pain with someone is not the same as sharing joy, or gratitude, or some random experience. It’s very bonding. Even before I met her I felt very protective, almost a motherly instinct, although I am younger by just a few years. I know what it is like to be hurt by this man, as does she. Having this in common with someone is not pleasant, if you are a good person you don’t want others to hurt or be hurt especially when you know the level of pain involved. I may be naive, but I still believe in a time when he will no longer hurt anyone else.

Now its on to Christmas preparations, wedding preparations, and preparations for our yearly crazy community Seder. I need to throw myself into the preparation phase for all of these happy occasions, and block out the newly erupting interest in my victimization that seems to be cropping up more and more each day.

My toes hurt a bit after all the walking, but I am also very thankful that I had the opportunity to walk after all the eating we did. We had one day of rain, and the day we left was freezing cold, but we had amazing weather for December in New York. After all that walking I know I am ready to get back to exercising, still slowly, but definitely ready.

My past, present and future all came together on this trip. Visualizing what you want, and thinking about all the positive outcomes, helps create your reality. So as I move forward I see myself happy, with my wife by my side, bustling about the streets of Manhattan, being involved in creative endeavors, having good friends, loving and being loved, being authentic; and life being exactly as it is meant to be – absolutely wonderful.



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