The Ass of Death

I used to work in an office where it was common place to blow off steam by having Nerf gun fights.  Yeah… this SOUNDS like fun.  But the bigger you are… the larger target you make – LOL! Believe me it’s good to be able to laugh at yourself.

Anyway it was another one of those Fridays when we were all at our wits end, and Nerf bullets were being pelted at any and every breathing target.  I had learned from prior experience that when a bullet came your way, it was in your best interest to keep it, hide it and begin hoarding.  This strategy proved profitable on numerous occasions, and enabled me to be a formidable opponent. Having little or no ability to aim, nor time for target practice, it came to quantity over quality.  Stealth movements were equally important.

While working away quietly at my desk (yeah – LOL), a bullet came flying into my cube and onto my keyboard.  Well whoever shot that one missed – I thought to myself with glee while I pocketed the ammo. Before I had the time to successfully hide the bullet three more came flying over my cube wall.  Well… that’s how you want to play this I thought….

I grabbed all available ammo and loaded my weapon.  I jumped out of my chair and Rambo style shot at everyone in sight hoping in the very least to frighten off the individual who had been targeting me.  Bullets were flying everywhere they came at me, from behind me…and the wounded began piling up.  I sank defeated into my chair because if memory serves me correctly not only was I one of the largest targets and ergo the most wounded but the least coordinated and hadn’t inflicted any semblance of a retaliation.

After the battle settled down, we all returned to work.  Needing information from a co-worker I rose from my desk to make my way across the office. Upon return to my cubicle – I find my then co-worker and now best friend hysterically laughing and holding up a bent and deflated Nerf bullet retrieved from the seat of my chair (politically correct way of saying – from under my ass).

From Wikipedia: Nerf foam is made from a solid, spongy cellular material. To produce it, polyester resin reacts with another compound in the presence of CO2 from another reaction. It is this gas that creates open pockets within the polyurethane that, in turn, make the material soft and light (and apparently permits it to spring back into shape).  With continued research I have found: Darts deform when the air bubbles in the foam get crushed. This happens when they are continually compressed. The longer they are kept in that state, the less “spring” they’d have when they are released. The scary thing was, I wasn’t seated for very long.  I also know very little about NERF bullets in general, but here is a chart in case you are curious, and I am uncertain which of these bullets I decommissioned – however it did started off looking like one of the NERF suction darts.

It ended up looking… well… let’s say nothing like a dart/bullet.  Hence my lovely nickname at work moving forward… “the ass of death”.  If I could kill a NERF dart, who knows what other damage my ass may have been capable of.  TALK ABOUT MOTIVATION!!!!

I still laugh, and this nickname continues to be lovingly used by my now BFF.  It’s also a great reminder of what was then and what is now. If you are embarking on a weight loss journey there are a few things I recommend at the outset:

  • Definitely take BEFORE pictures – full body pictures (not only will you want to have them for comparison when you attain your goal, but you will want them as a constant reminder to stay on course)
  • Take BEFORE measurements (your waist, your hips, your biceps, your calves, your neck, your chest, etc.) because even if you are not immediately seeing the pounds melt away seeing the measurements decrease keeps you staying positive.
  • Keep one pair of BEFORE jeans. Don’t keep them where you can potentially wear them, just put them in storage or give them to a friend to hold so that you can look back periodically and see your progress.  I could not believe that I transformed from a 2-3X to a size 6.  Now I wish I had kept just one of my old jeans as an additional reminder of just how far I’ve come.

Many people reading this blog will have already seen some of my before and after pictures.  In my next posting I will include a few – maybe this will help encourage those of you who have yet to see the transformation.



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