On being “CRAZY”

It’s fairly well documented that us left brained creative type tend toward bipolar disorder more than the general population. I was diagnosed 15 years ago with bipolar disorder, adult ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder. I am fairly certain this all went undiagnosed for many years prior. It has not been easy being me, but most of the time I wouldn’t change it for anything. Having a bipolar brain is complicated and frustrating but can also be enthralling and invigorating for the individuals and for all those who love them.

I certainly have had my extreme manias and depressions. I’ve gone through the typical thinking that my medication has now made me better so I no longer need it. I’ve stabilized and destabilized. I’ve rapid cycled and stayed down for months on end. All of my experiences albeit difficult have helped me grow and make me who I am. Primarily the deep understanding that this trip here on earth needs to be the best I can make it – which means for me being happy, healthy, loving and being loved. Those things are essential to my being. Physical health has helped my mental health, and has motivated me to stay on my medication. I must admit however that even medicated I still cycle – not at the extremes, but certainly definitive ups and downs. Rebirthing my creative being has helped me stay grounded and happy which also stabilizes my mood.

My behavior changes can be very subtle or very noticeable. I try very hard to let those who know me best know when I feel a change coming on – and I can feel it. I am willing to answer people’s questions about bipolar disorder, but my perspective is mine alone and although I may share some experiences with other individuals, everybody feels things differently.

Possibly my bipolar disorder helped me lose the weight because I was able to exercise at a heightened level and stay super focused on my food – a 10 month mania of sorts. But I have to take some credit for all the work I did to get where I am; it wasn’t entirely my misfiring brain!

I can describe mania for you, and deep depression, but it still comes nowhere close to actually experiencing it. I hope the articles in this section of the blog will help someone – anyone; someone who is bipolar, suffering from anxiety or someone who is loving someone who is.



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